Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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