we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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