McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
