I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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