i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
