My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
