Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
