I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
