I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
