don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
