I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
