before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
being pregnant is like rehab
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
