This girl is more easily done than said...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
