I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize