Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
