I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
