I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
