I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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