I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
