Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
