you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
