There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
