If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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