He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's shark week go big or go home
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
