Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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