You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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