I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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