I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
