She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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