Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have fence marks all over my body
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
