Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
