I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
