Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize