Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
