Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
