I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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