I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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