you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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