Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
