I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
