Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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