ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
