the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
