i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
