Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
