I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
