R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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