i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
