areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
