hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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