You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
