Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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