Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
