if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
