all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Pooping to opera.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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