Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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