So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
