You made me cry and you don't even care
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
