I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
