i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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