the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
