I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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