if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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