So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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