lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
