My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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