There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Text me some of your sweat
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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