So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
