How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
