Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
