We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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