I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
