I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize