At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
