I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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