I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize