My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
