just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
