Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
