im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There are leaves in my underwear?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
