Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
