he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
