ugly people sure do ruin things
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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