Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Couch. On fire.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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