no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
