tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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