a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
