Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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