I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
