sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
