My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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