your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
