No stitches, just platelets and will power
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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