plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
