Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
