for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
