My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
