Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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