I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
